Over the course of my career as a roller derby coach, there’s a few things that come up often enough that they have slowly become the bane of my existence. So I’ve decided to write a series about all of the things I hate. Top of the list: Poisons and hybrid wheels.
I’ve mentioned wheels before in a different blog about equipment. I was mildly apathetic at that point, because I wasn’t responsible for anyone breaking their ankles, and also the redundant discussion of ‘don’t skate on fucking hybrids’ hadn’t yet occupied so much of my life. But after having that conversation so many times, I loathe those bullshit wheels.
When a skater gets new wheels she should want to find the right amount of slip and slide for her skating style. Despite what some people say, there’s no one right setting for your equipment that works for everyone. Cushings are a good eample of that. A lot of people prefer softer and more responsive cushings, but legendary Bonnie Thunders skates on hard cushings. Somewhere on the spectrum of equipment, find what works for you. The same thing is true for wheels. For some people the ratio leans towards slip, and for some that ratio leans towards grip. Personally, I skate on wheels with more slip. For a solid three years I skated on 92 Vanilla Backspins, which I love, and now I skate on a mix of 93/91 dual durometer wheels and those 92 Vanillas. When finding your preference, though, there’s needs to be a balance. My problem with poisons and hybrids in general is that they’re all grip with no slide. That’s not only bad strategy and skills training, but also dangerous.
Before I really hulk out on why I fucking hate poisons, I’ll preface this with saying that I get why people choose hybrids. Not everyone knows what to look for in wheels, so it often boils down to ‘can I wear these inside? The packaging says so. Can I wear these outside? The package also says so. Ergo, I can wear them everywhere and save money on wheels!’ They also help skaters to not slide out in the curves while doing laps. I get it, I really do. But. BUT. They’re dangerous and are a barrier to learning skills and learning laps the right way. The right way isn’t meant as ‘what I want because I’m a self-centered asshole and want it my way so do it because I’m your trainer and fuck you’ but rather as ‘the best way to keep skaters from plateauing later in their skating careers.’
I’ll start with the dangerous part, because it’s incredibly important that you not break the fuck out of your ankle. Obviously. The basic premise is this: when you fall or lose control, your foot should go with you. If your foot doesn’t go with you because its held in place by grippy wheels, it is stretched at an awkward ankle and broken. Every major ankle break I’ve seen has been on some bullshit hybrid wheel. When Cole Izzion royally fucked her ankle, it was on poisons. She was on a sticky floor, skating slowly, no contact, and she fell. Her foot stayed in the same position, and consequently broke in four places, completely tore the tendon and was dislocated. Germanätrix had poisons on for her ankle break, and her xray also looked like the aftermath of Bob the Builder’s seizure. Two other people whose names I can’t remember because I don’t care about them broke their ankles on poisons. When I broke my ankle, it was the least serious ankle break I’ve seen in this sport (I didn’t even need a cast, which was incredibly disappointing after having spent five whole minutes searching pinterest for fucking sweet cast designs). It was not on poisons. I wasn’t even aware of this blatantly obvious trend until Kiki Urhaz, who I reference constantly, came to my league and pointed it out. She explained that in her much longer and more storied career, she also has seen Poisons involved in almost every major ankle break. As if God just wanted to send a confirmation, Cole Izzion broke her foot the next day. Go figure. When I explain this to people, there’s always the pensive ‘Yea, you’re right. A lot of the breaks were on poisons. Huh.’ And then afterwards I get texts and messages saying ‘this person twisted her knee and GUESS WHAT WHEELS SHE WAS WEARING’. Basically, 100% of people polled say I’m super right and that hybrids are dangerous.* Fuck poisons.
The second reason I loathe hybrids is because it makes for sloppy skills training. I devote a lot of time to training freshies, and I emphasize doing skills right and not taking shortcuts so that skaters don’t plateau later. Plow stops, for example, are incredibly important, so I emphasize the fuck out of those. In order to do them right, however, you have to be able to slide into it and then put the pressure down on your edges. Hybrid wheels stop you from sliding and make plow stops infinitely harder and more dangerous. I’ve loaned out a crazy amount of wheels to my team, and the universal reaction when they switch wheels is ‘wow this really makes a difference.’ Have you ever wondered why it’s impossible to do hockey stops? If you think they’re impossible, the issue could be your wheels. You can’t slide into a hockey stop if your wheels hold onto the floor like your grandma does onto the slim hope of you being a virgin.
Another way hybrids make for sloppy skill training, aside from just straight up stopping you from learning skills like plowing, is that they give you a false sense of edges. If your coach or trainer hasn’t talked about edge work yet, fire them and get a new trainer. From the abundance of trainers lined up wanting to train you, obviously. Whatever, fuck off. Anyway, edging as a skill is incredibly important and is used in a crazy amount of skills. When you take the curve in your laps, putting pressure on the inside wheels and using your edges is what keeps you from sliding out. If you’re wearing hybrids, though, that stickiness gives you a false sense of having used your edges, and you never learn how to put that weight on the outside and use them. Those sticky ass wheels are a lazy man’s shortcut to edges in the curves, and they just so happen to be slowing you down in the straights. When skating in a bout, it’s hugely advantageous to pick and choose when you slide and when you edge. If you’re in a wall and plow stopping, you need to slide and stop, slide and stop in order to not get a stop block and also keep your hips in line with whoever is next to you. That requires knowing your edges, because the edges are what decide your speed in a plow stop position.
As a trainer I don’t tolerate lazy skills training and I sure as fuck don’t tolerate things that put my skaters in harms way. Hybrids fall under both of those categories, so fuck your poisons. Change your wheels and keep safe.
-Stein
*Poll participants include my mom. Poll confidence level = 1 with a 99.99% margin of error.
derbystein 